This is weird. It�s quite crazy, really. I�m sitting here on my bed at my parents� house, my laptop on my lap. My allergies and the presence of the cat in the house have caused me to sneeze. He�s probably been here, on my bed, recently. He likes it here every once in a while. I know I caught him in here during one of my last three visits here.

But tonight this seems more weird than usual. I don�t know if it�s the fact that I�m up here at 10:30, not ready to sleep, without Casey, but I�m looking around more. I�m noticing more. I�m reminicing more. I haven�t logged onto the internet regularly on this computer since August 2002, when I covered my last BlueClaws game for the paper. That�s 18 months ago now. And I believe the only time in those 18 months I�ve connected to the internet here using this computer was during last year�s Oscars telecast. I brought the laptop home because Yahoo Messenger keeps telling me I�m logged on with another computer, and I don�t know what it�s talking about, so I wanted to see if I�d logged on with this one and not logged out and, even though I don�t have a continuous internet connection, if that�s what�s fooling it. But I don�t even have Messenger installed on this computer anymore, so that�s not it. Another possibility is my parents� old PC, which has found a new home now up here while they use the newer one downstairs.

But if nothing else, I�m most certain that this is the first time since I moved out that I�ve logged on with this computer in this room since November 2001. Yikes. It was here, under those conditions, often at this time of night (but usually later) that I first started chatting with Casey. Awwww.

(Roll-your-eyes side note about my Mom tonight: While watching Ed, I mentioned that all three main actresses -- Julie Bowen, Lesley Boone and Jenna Marie Hupp -- are engaged, which Casey told me the other day. I said it as, �Casey told me that all three of those women are engaged.� My Mom asks who, because Jenna Marie Hupp wasn�t on screen at the time -- and didn�t show up the entire episode -- and then, a few moments later, asks, �Why�s Casey talking about engagements?� Argh.)

Logging on like this is more than a blast from the past. I�m hesitating just a little in using this computer. It feels natural enough to type on this familiar keyboard, with its space bar dented from vigorous use since I purchased it in the summer of 1997 -- yes, coming up on seven years ago. But to cut and paste the URLs for the above links, I had to hesitate and remember CTRL-INS to copy, and SHIFT-INS to paste, rather than CTRL (which is in the same location as the Apple on the iMac and work and Casey�s laptop)-C and -V. I have to remember that if I X-out of the last Netscape window, I�ve quit the program, not simply closed all the windows.

Maybe it�s just because I�m spending some time in here and not simply using this bed to sleep until tomorrow morning, but I�m looking around at this room and thinking, �Wow, I can�t believe I still have that.� Some of it�s in a good way; I�m spotting things I�d completely forgotten about and am glad I still have. Others I see and wonder why I thought I�d ever need to hold onto that. Those I�m going to weed out over the course of this year. I figure I need a few trips with a good chunk of time one day during each one to get through the bulk of what�s left here. That, or I could take a rainy weekend and devote a full two days to it and get it all done. For now, I�m looking at a pile of three boxes at the other end of the room (and it�s a small room, so by �the other end,� I mean no more than two-and-a-half feet beyond the end of the bed) that contain newspapers. On top of the to box more papers are piled. I�m ready to be rid of them. All of them. I doubt there�s any of them I�ll decide to keep. I�ll keep any old issues of my college newspaper I come across, because one day I may put together a scrapbook containing any and all of my clippings I can find, but that�s it. I realize now I�m never going to frame each of the four sports section covers from the Devils� first Stanley Cup-winning series (they swept the Detroit Red Wings in four games in 1995) to hang in my rec room. We�re a long way from my having my own rec room where I can make all the decorating decisions, and that�s a good thing. When that time comes, I can outfit it with way more classy memorabilia.

After the great New Year�s Day cleaning binge, I�m still on a roll. I�m in a zone of organization. At work, I�m beginning to lay out upcoming dates and events on my wall calendar as well as my organizer. I�m mapping out weeks and months and looking ahead to other events, both those related to work and those not. I�ve even printed out schedules to about two dozen minor-league baseball teams in the Northeast, from Washington to Maine, including all those in Pennsylvania, in the event I have a weekend when I want to try to pack in three games in three parks in three days; or if I want to try to plan an extended weekend touring parks with Matt and Brad, as we�ve talked about.I even bought a Mike Piazza wall calendar (because it was half off at Barnes & Noble seven days into the year and it has large spaces for the days) so that I could write down which teams are home when and have a master list to look at and comprehend quickly. I�m in this phase of wanting to know what I have and where it is.

I�m also in this phase of wanting to figure out what I have that might be of value to someone else and put it up on eBay. Back in the early 90s, Wheaties put out commemorative boxes for its 60th anniversary. Black-and-white photos of Lou Gehrig, Babe Ruth and Willie Mays graced them and Mom came home one day with all three together, encased in shrink wrap. I thought it was cool and put it up on a shelf in my room. They�re still there, still in the shrink wrap, cereal still inside. I was never a fan of Wheaties. But I figured maybe someday I could sell them as a collector�s item. I didn�t know how, but I knew there�d be some way. Had I foreseen the coming of the internet, I would�ve surely founded eBay and had the money for that house with the rec room.

I�m not really taken back by the books on my shelfs because I have a good idea of what�s there. I look through them almost every time I come home, in fact, to see if there�s something else I�d like to take back with me. Many are from college anyway, so they�re not as old as some of the things up here. But next to me on the wall, no higher than shoulder height when standing, are a few random pictures adhered to the paint with that good old blue fun-tac. Or is that the proper, trademarked name: Fun-Tac? You see, this bed used to be a loft with room underneath for my desk. These things still on the wall used to be visible only when seated at the desk under the bed. There�s a cartoonish drawing of a baseball player taken from a Mad Libs-type booklet. The faces were originally blank and you gave them life with stickers of eyes, ears, noses and mouths. The ballplayer is crosseyed, with bloodshot eyes, and is missing a tooth. There are two framed autographs of former Notre Dame star Raghib �Rocket� Ismail. One is a collage of photos from Sports Illustrated with the headline �A Boost from the Rocket,� which was actually from a story about Roger Clemens that I transplanted. Another is a two-page spread on Rocket and his brother Qadry �Missle� Ismail from an indoor track meet at Princeton University. Rocket was running for Notre Dame, Qadry for Syracuse. It was at that meet that I got the autographs. The next morning, I called Z100�s Morning Zoo and tried to get on the radio for their �Brush With Greatness� feature wherein listeners described their celebrity encounters on the air. Someone listened to my story but didn�t find it interesting enough to patch me through to the studio. I don�t know why I thought a college football player from Notre Dame in Indiana would be of interest to the Morning Zoo audience, but I must�ve heard them mention Notre Dame during a sports report or something. I wasn�t that high on ND then.

Scattered above, between and below the two framed autographs are some smaller things and a couple of postcards. One is of the Beatles� lavishly decorated custom Rolls Royce and another is of the opening to the Constitution spelled out in �license plate speak� on tags from the 50 states (and Washington): �WE TH� �P PUL� �OF TH� �U NI� �DIDD� �ST8S� etc. I�ve also put up a �NOTRE DAME FIGHTING IRISH #1� 8 1/2-by-11 printout from good ol� Print Shop with a shamrock graphic, a fireworks border and a font probably called �shockwave� or something like that. Next to it is a brochure from Thunder Falls minigolf in West Yarmouth, Massachusetts and a Sports Illustrated cover from October 2, 1989, with Joe Montana as a 49er with the headline �JOLTIN� JOE/The 49ers go 3-0 as Joe Montana throws five TD passes.� Finally, below the SI cover is a Far Side cartoon taken from a color calendar. It depicts a blindfolded fly facing execution, but instead of a firing squad the four executioners are holding flyswatters.

This is what I was into when I was 13-14 years old.

There�s more here, of course. A collage of photos that, based on the subjects, I must�ve made after sophomore year of high school; a puzzle of baseball cards I glued together and hung on the wall at the back of a shelf; a tag from an Elvis Presley t-shirt depicting the commemorative stamp put out. I have no idea when the stamp came out, but it cost only 29 cents back then. There�s more here, but I won�t go into it all now.

I know this is dragging on for those of you not interested in reading about a trip through memorable moments for me, so I�ll try to wrap this up. I�m also fascinated by the bookmarks on Netscape on this computer, the diaries in particular. I�d forgotten about so many of them, particularly the ones that were a little more, shall we say, racy. I won�t link those. In fact, I won�t link any of them because that would just take too long, particularly on a dial-up if I were to actually check them all to see if they work (which I might do anyway, but I�d rather get this wrapped up). Some of these I barely remember; I obviously didn�t read them that often even though they were bookmarked. But those bookmarked include Jerseydevil, Jerseygrrl, Jerseygirl, Lifewriter, Riot718, Viewaskew, Microserf, Squibnocket, Shore-Mills, Bluering, Elabeth, Lichen, VWBoy, Whitebear. And there were plenty more. It�s nice to see some are still around, if not others.

As for me, I plan on being here for a long time. This November election will be my four-year anniversary, meaning I�ll have been keeping this diary as long as high school or college. I�d attempted to start a journal on my computer but didn�t keep it up, then I think I deleted the file because that first semester just sucked, socially and academically. I didn�t want to relive the breakup and all that.

But sometimes, it�s good to get back to where you�re from. It helps you continue to look ahead.