Back in college, Bryan and I would occasionally write drunk e-mail to friends, both on- and off-campus; that is, other Domers and those not at Notre Dame. We'd come back to our dorm room or, senior year, our apartment after a night of drinking and have the need (or sometimes just the urge) to e-mail people. We'd write nonsense, usually with one of us writing in all caps to deliniate the speaker. Our one rule was that we never used the delete key � once you typed something, it remained as a record of your level of intoxication. I guess it was some sort of simple computer sobriety test.

Many of them are gone forever, deleted by the recipients or logged away on that old desktop computer I used freshman through junior years. I believe Mom sold that computer to someone from church for like 50 bucks. They only wanted it for word processing, which was probably all it was good for by then. I don't know if I could even get to the e-mails. I used a program called Eudora then, and I wouldn't remember how to access it now � if I even could, seeing as how the account was related to my enrollment in South Bend.

But on Saturday while browsing through the files on my laptop, I found this one file labeled "Drunk E-mail." It was misleading. There were the e-mails below that we sent out, but then there was a joke forward from Bryan's brother about New England winters, and then three drunk e-mails from Patrick to us. A search of my journal for "drunk e-mail" turned up nothing, so I guess I haven't posted any before. Although it will probably only be amusing to me, I present, for posterity, a few of those e-mails. It's amazing how many times we feel we have to clarify that we're drunk.

Date: Sat, 27 Sep 1997 23:36:47
From: Bry Guy
To: Anne,

Amanda, Jim, Cathy, Colleen, Jessica, Kathy, Mandy, Patrick
Subject: we are drunkl!

HEY THERE REVFERYONJE! IT'S BRYAN AND DADN I MEAN DAN BACKI WITH THIS YEAR'S INSTAMLLMENTS OF DRUNK EMAIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BRTYAN IS SLEEPING ON MY BED NOW BECAUSE YHE H CAN'T SIT UP. !@ wWOWOW1P!M "I'M SO GLAD I HAVE FLANNEL BOXERS ON!" HE JUST SAID. RAEALLY. WELL, I KNOW SOME OF YOU (*1NN) HAVE (ANND) (ANN) HAVE BEEN WAITING A LOTNG TOIM ETIME TO HEAR FROM US. WELL, HERE YOU GO. YOU ASKED FOR ITS. IT. WE'LL HAVE TO GET LISA'S HOLY CROSS ADDRESS SO THAT SHE CAN GONCONTINUE TO GET TEH WONDERFUL BENEFITS OF DRUNK EMAIL. INCASE YOU HAVEN'T REALIZES, REALIZED, I, DAN, ALWAYS WRITE IN THE CAPI8TALS. AND FOR YOU NEWCOMESRS, LIKE PAT AND JESS, WE DO NOT CORRECT OUR MISTAKES HERE ON DRUNK EMA9IL. THAT MAKES IT FUN. TOMORROW WE'RE GOING FOR A BIKE RIDE AT A PARK . YAY. I LIKE PARKS. WEHERE'S MY BEER? THERE IT IS. IT WAS A VERY GOOD BEER. LLLLLL MMMMMMMM ... DORITOES. N OW, HERE'S BRYAN . HE BROKE HIS ARM/.

hi-yee.

i jsut took 5 piils. it ewas [pronbably not good/1. ki drink no id drank. dan is olaying mpomn udisnc wow! dan is playing mousic now and it isn dreally redistarancting, nkio, no,, n o, no, tghat, no, thart thsat nthat that is distracting me. thewy lkweep talkinf about nder. seeAS., THEY NEDD TOSTOP. I THINK mayb =e i am a litltw fiodfgn drunk. ][]

PLEASE STAND BY. BRYAN IS EXPERIENCEING TECHNICAL DIFFICULATIES. HE IS SORRY. THAT HE CAN'T TYPE NOW. "BURP," HE JUST SAID. HE THINKS HE NEED SMORE BEER. BEER IS GOOT. GOOD. GOT BEER? TOUR; TOUR? BRYAN HAS TO GIVE A TOURN TOMOORROW MORNIGN. HA! THOS THOSE UF US ON CAMJPUS AT NOTER DAME SOULD SHOULD GO ON IT. HE JUST THREW MY SHOE INTO THE HALL. KIDS IN THE HALL. I'M ALMOST DONE. BYRAN'S GOIGN TO THE BATHROOM. HE HAD HAS TO PEE. SO I MUST FILL UP THE TIME. HMMMM... WE'LLL, WELL, I'M GOINT TO MICHIGAN TOMORROW TO NO, SATURDAY, TO COVFE RTHE COVER THE GAMJE FOR IRISH EYES ON TEH INTERNET. I GET PAID. AND I MIGHT GO TO ST. LOUS=IS SUNDAY FOR THE BASEBALL GAME. WOW. MOORAIL. N I MEAN MONORAIL, FROM THE ISIMPSON SIMPSONS. OK, BRYAN'S BAKC, AV AFTER HOCKING ONE ON MY BATHROOM FLOOR ...

ok- i am sorry that i was so drunk a minut ago.. i thing i am better now. i wasrelally bad befor, because ik was sad. and drunkl. ohh.! dan brought bme moree. yay! for m e. zOh, by the way. If you are relatwed to me, by bloof, that ius that is bloss, that uis, that is blood: being Patricl: my brother: i mamd sm sm dofrrtj wait. I am sorry that I am letting down th ee no the family namre....dan just photographed me NDS I A AM WAweAING JUST UNDERWEAR, ANYWAY, I FORGET.

�����i'm IM'M I'M BAK. I MEAN I'M BACK. DNA DAN, THAT ISL. IS. WOW. WOAH. W WE HAVE TO GET UP TOMORROW. "TIT'S IT' S IT IS BADNESS NEWS," BRYAN JUST SAID. "BASAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!@!!!!!!!!!!!!" WELL, WOW. WE ARE DURNK . DRUNK. BRYAN IS BABLING ON NOW . SO OOOOOOO MUCH. SOMETING BAABOUT DRINKING. HE DOESN'T NKNOW HWHAT HE'S TALKING ABOT. NOW HE'S BLAMING IT ON ME. LIEK IT'S MHYG AFAULLT. HAPPY BIRHTDAY LISA, LISA IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY. OK, BRYAN'S TURN. OOOPS. HE'SL GOING FOR A WLK AORUND THE THE APPRTMENT. ET PHONE HOME. HERE'S BRYAN.

ok. ok i canj do that!

opk, that isok, olk/. ok. ok, gues whoi has had a bit more than dan,. and guess who has an earlier clsasl,. righjt, mme./1 ok. i neee dhto stop because i am pathetic. anyway, i love you all. io am edsd sure i will beveryembarassed tomorrow, esp. considering i am stil fdferoins that is rdrinking ice ghoiuse that is ice houseouze, that is ie thatis ice house,k, if this e-kmail khas benn a bad thing, lety meknow and i wiwlll try to drink less t thastr b that nb next tim e!

i love you;!

my namw name is b.

I LOVE YOU GOO0TOTOOTOTOTOTOO IM EAN TOOO . DAN.

NB...

Date: Sat, 11 Oct 1997 03:14:42
From: Dan
To: [Unknown]

HELLO!!!!!!

I must welcome sojme ouf of oure our newcomjeser comers this week, one Nancy ___ _____ and Elizabeth something (forgeive me). Nancy, though, i9s here. But I can't go further than that right now. they (nancy and Bryan) are sigtting on my bed. but don't worry. Everybody beats on Bryan. Bryna'ns a virgi.n. nancy just hit Bryan over the head because he didn't remember hse she wasw in a car asccident tonight. His mother never hit him that har.d hard. (hi im nNCY.) That was Nacy Nancy, she says hi. She want went to Culvuer millitary academy. And now,l her'e s Bryan ,madly in love with Nancfy R. S_____ or Mia.........

OKIRL HERE NRD WE WILL CALL HER. AND KI AM TRYING TO DECIDE WHAT TO SO DO WITH HER. I HJAVE A PRETTY GOOD IDEA. SO WHAT DO TOYOU ALL THINK? IT REALLY ODOES NT MATTTER, BECAUSE BY THE TIME TYOU GET THIS, ITS DOIN, OR NOT. ANYWAY, I THINK THAT IS ENOUGH FOR ME TOI NIGHT. I AM SORRY., MY HEART JUST ISN'T IN THIS TONIGHT! SORRY. SO SORYRY. GOOD BYE.

C

HELLO

SORRY TO DISAPPOIJNT YOU ALL, BUT I AM JUST NOT THAT DRUNK RIGHT NOW., IT IS A SAD MOMENT IN YOUR LIEFE. OK, SO WHAT DO OYU ALL THINK, I HAVE THIS G

Bryan sucks. So do I, apparently. He wante dto to do e-mail now, adn I wanted to wait. But he saie no said now. I saied wait. He wasn't sdrunk, enough, apparently. His prob. I'm not helping, I'm just typeing. Brfyan's ins deep trougble. She could hear everything. I don't think I'm supposed to do this, but I 'mprobaly dgointg to send this anyway. Fun. Nancy may talk here.....

Well, Nancy's not going to say hello .That's ok.

GOODNIGHT"!!!!!!

Dan and Bruan bRuan Bryanh Bryan

Nancy replied with this ...

dan, dan, dan. . .

this never should have gone out. these people do not even know me. . .what

are they going to think? all i know is that a bunch of strangers now know

that bryan's virginity was being discussed. too much information.

it's all good. i mean, i think that the giant heart with DAC might be just

a tad worse. these people are going to have quite an impression of me.

NRD

Date: Sun, 16 Nov 1997 07:33:00
From: Dan
To: Anne, Amanda, Jim,

Bryan, Cathy, Colleen, Jessica, Kathy, Mandy, Patrick, Nancy, Liz, Erin, Matt
Subject: HI Y'ALL!!!!!!!!!

It's us! We're back with another drunkedn episode of drunk email and bryan hsas jus tpiecke up kpike picked up the pheone but he hears the beopeopepoepoeo of the modem. we'd like to welcomed welocme e welcome my bestest friend Matt to dhe dru to the -- ooooh Kathy's vi giving me a massage right now and it feels gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooodQ!!!!! -- back to our program: Matt to the drunk em-aml e-mail world because he's awa awexs awesome and we've kjnwoen known each other sicne since we're 1= no, 2. He washed my hair with milk. or was it ro orange ji= juice> ? one of those. Anyhhoww. Anyhoo, he's here now. Yah Yay matt. Tonight was awesome becasuse ND beat LSU, because they suck big dick. sorry to a offende offend anyone, m but they do suck b big ass, at the very least. Bryuan's brother Pat, is no now on this list too, and he sends us go cool pcitres pictures of baby babies dancing to "UgachakA". Mys siter sister is online too, and she sometienmes tires tries to send us drunk e0mail, but she's just a freshman, so it's not ass good as good (no offense, Jess),. You knowPEW TONIGHT!@ I love you.1 Anys... Bryan fell on the folorr floor. Our women's socder team rocks. I havfe to covfer a game tomorrow. But wa we have 3 inches of snow, and it's snowing again. Yay south bend. Bryan want s to write now....

THEY WOKE ME UP TO TYPE TONIGHT! THAT IS KIND OIF A S AD A THING. BUT NOT TOTALLY. OK, I AM TYPING REALLY WELL. THIS IS SO NOT FUN TONIGHT. SO, EVERYBODY, YOU ARE PROBABLY WONDERING WHY DAN AND I HAVE WRITTEN ROR NOT SO LONG/. Danmandy says we are cqalling vey sioon. OOWWWW. CAP LOCKS WENT OFF. I AM SORRY. PEOPLE KEEP HURTING ME!

shut up no OK

OKL HEY WOKE ME UP AGAIN AND NOW DAN IS SNORING BECAYUSE HGE IS GETTNG A BACK RUB FROM THE GIRL WHO KEEPS HURYTING ME.' PING REALLY ANYWYA,M I AM STILL TY THERE. I SAOID I WAS STILL TUYPIMG ERLL, BUT THE SCREEN KEEPS JUMPING. ANYUWEAY, WHAT I WAS TRYING TO SAY A WHILE AGO IS THAT IT IS MY FAULT THAT WE HAVE NOT DFOEN FDURNK E-MAIL IN SO LONG. I WENT INSANE ABOUT TWO WEEKS AGOI AND NOW I A MA AL LITTLE BETTER, BUT NOT 100$#%$%#%^%&$%^^% OK THAT WAS SUPPODSED TO BE 100% ANYWAY, I AM A BIT SDERANGED, SO ANY LACK OF DRUN K E-MAI, L IS A RESULT OF MY MENTAL INCAPACITIES. I APOLOGIZE.

L Oopps Okely k doekely or somehting. Bryan apologizes. for what, I don'tk wwo knwo kw knowl know. there. Mandy, i mus twarn you, that we have york your phone # and we may be calling you. Like, at 2:30 or 2$45 or 3 am. a.m. But you would probably be reading thes this after that. So you may know anyway. bgu but we may decdfi decid e no t to . wWe think I'd it'd be a great idea for tiou you to comje oout to ND this weekend for the wEst Virginia game. We have a tidke ticket for yo! you! come! see us! it'll be greatQ!@ we';ll call yo uto get you here. You can count on that. And Erin, if you read this before we talk to oyou or email you again, Bryan and I want to see tyou and Mel this weekend, so we must go out. How about dinner one innight? Call us or em-ail us, but calling would be wbwet betetere, better. We'll be in touch. B yran ghas more to say ...

I AM INSANWE. I WISH I COULD BE SANWE. LOVE, BRYAN!

wWell bryan seems to9 be done for the night. Teh The Wonder Year s was teh beste show on TV! yay! OK, I think we're all done. We'll sign of for now, but youcan look forawerd to another episod eof drunk email! Same Drunk time, same drunk email. Bryan thought of one last thing, so I'll eea leave the final words up to him..

.

UNO!'

'

BRY AND DANNY!