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2001-04-26 - 12:55 a.m.

Four years ago...

I'm depressed.

In one simple thought inspired while writing to Molzo, I came to realize that a) it's been four and a half years since I started my junior year of college, b) that's the last time I was involved in a significant relationship, and c) my memories of that girl are still so vivid I can't believe it's been four years.

See, Colleen was a little, um, intense, I suppose. We dated through the spring semester, and when financial limitations prevented me from flying from New Jersey to southern California to visit her during the summer, she became a little upset. And then I made the mistake (honestly, because I could've handled it a little better) of telling her over the phone one night that I thought we should perhaps just be friends when we got back to school. I was going into my senior year and she was going to be a sophomore. Many of my friends didn't like her, and I didn't want to be torn between the friends I'd had for three years and the one I'd had for three months (well, a little more than that). It wouldn't have been fair to her, and I thought I was doing the right thing.

Well, she still tried to date me, and we did hook up several times throughout my senior year. I was always attracted to her -- still am, in fact -- but I don't want to date her. It was more of a physical attraction -- she's a gorgeous, leggy blond, the kind of girl you don't see with an ordinary, average guy like me. And we did have fun. But I don't see any way it would resume, though I'm sure she'd be all for it.

And another weird thing: I got this spam e-mail that sounded a lot like something she might write.

Hi Gorgeous,
I was thinking about how good the other night was. The way you made me feel...the way you touched me...I just can't take another minute thinking about it. I want to feel you right now. I am so damn horny!!!
Last night was even worse. I couldn't keep my mind off of you so I decided to have a little fun. I took some pictures of me butt naked playing with myself while I was thinking of you. If you want to see what they look like click here baby. Let me know if you like them.
Hurry over,

One time (at band camp -- HA!), she actually sent me a picture of her in a towel after she'd gotten out of the shower. So anyway, my point is, I can't believe it's been that long, and that it seems so close. That bothers me.

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