It's over. Casey dumped me last night.

Yeah -- Worst. Dream. Ever.

It was one of those dreams so real I felt like I lived it, waking up frantic and upset. Writing those words as if they were true brings back the haunting memories from only an hour ago. Sorry if I scared you, but that's just a fraction of what I felt. And it wasn't just a quick, animated short kind of dream, but a drawn-out epic, an emotional, dramatic tear-jerker with shouting and crying and feelings of nausia. I woke up at 6:30 upset and angry, then realized it was nothing more than a movie about ghosts and turned over to wrap my arms around Casey beside me.

The dream was upsetting both for Casey's cavalier termination of our relationship, but for my reaction to it. It brought back memories of the breakup with High School Heather and, in fact, the dream incorporated aspects of that. At one point, Casey emerged from a car driven by HS Heather's friend Caitlin. (In another inexplicable short scene, Casey answered the door but the part of "Casey" was played by Heather.) Throughout the dream, I waivered between trying to get an explanation from Casey and hating her. At one point, when she wouldn't stop talking and let me finish a question, I slapped her, not out of anger but frustration. That bothered me to no end.

I couldn't take her explanation, her reasons. They were weak. At one point I asked if it was because she wanted to sleep with other guys, and took her noncommital answer as an affirmative, making me more frustrated. I followed her around trying to get an explanation I could live with, then tried to avoid her. I found myself at her mom's house (though not actually Moom's house, and the part of "Moom" was played by some dark-haired woman), wandering around trying to find a way out that would not involve me walking through the room where she was. (Calling my name, she eventually found me as I was trying to get out through the basement.)

I don't try to interpret dreams or figure out what deep, hidden secrets they may by trying to reveal. At the same time, I can see how they may be a reflection of what lies inside, but I still don't put much stock in them. But this one assured me -- not that I had any doubts -- that this is where I want to be, this is who I want to be with. In the dream, I could feel the sense of loss and pointlessness. What was the point without Casey? If it ended with Casey, it would end with her whole family, and I've grown fond of them as well. I love them as a reflection of Casey's love for them, and I don't want to see any of it come to an end.

I'm not quite sure why I wanted to write down so quickly the events of such a negative dream, but from 6:30 to 7:15, when Casey's alarm went off, I could think of nothing else. The time flew by and I didn't come close to falling back to sleep. When she woke up and went into the shower, I turned on the TV and the computer and put it all down.

But at least it's comforting to know that it was all just a dream.