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Monday, March 8, 2004 - 4:35 p.m.

Super-sized entry

Lent, fast food and super size

Like Bill and Heather, I feel compelled to ruminate on the recent

TARGET="Super Size">news from McDonald's. I remember when McDonald's introduced the super size fries and drink as a special limited offer, much like the eggnog shakes they put out around Christmas and the green ones they have out now for St. Patrick's day. What's McDonald's if not Irish? At those times, you paid an extra 39 cents or something and you got more fries than you'd ever dreamed of in one package. For me, it was the best part of going to McDonald's. I mean really, does anyone really go for the "main courses"? But then it seemed to me that the sizing scale changed. What used to be large was now medium, the super sized fries became large, and a new, mondo-sized carton was introduced as the new super size. I realized this the day I found the super sized fries to be too much. So I basically stopped ordering them. I didn't need that much; I couldn't eat that much. When I was in the mood for excess, I went with a large value meal. When I was starving from not eating in six hours or if I was ordering just fries and a drink for a snack, I sometimes went with super size, but rarely.

At least McDonald's isn't cutting out super sized immediately. It's Lent, and other than my one-night In-N-Out lapse, I've decided to give up fast food again for the six-week stretch that takes us to Easter. I did it a couple of times in college and in most years since and I've now gotten to the point where I hit a Burger King or something for lunch once every two or three weeks. I pat myself on the back when I can't remember the last time I ordered a double cheeseburger or Quarter Pounder meal. So for now, anything with a drive thru, anything you might find at a mall food court, anything that is served within two minutes while you stand at the counter, anything you order out for which you do not leave a tip is off limits. Now, if I want a burger, I've got to sit down, peruse the menu, tell my server, and wait 15 minutes or so. The timing, the "standing at the counter" clause is important. Fudrucker's is not included. Granted, we've been to the Fudrucker's on Route 4 once in the 16 months we've lived here, but I need one loophole. That whole Exempt Sundays deal just seems like a copout to me.

Some � Nate, on Saturday, for example � may argue that pizza is a fast food. I'm going to say no, in part because there's no way I could last six weeks without pizza. I honestly think I could go six weeks without french fries easier, though it would be close. To amend my definition of fast food, then, I should add places at which you're not entirely sure of the ingredients. A McDonald's burger may not be all cow, but I'm pretty sure that Pizza Nova's dough, sauce and cheese are closer to natural.

So I've resolved to swear off fast food until April 12, but there's a good chance that someday that week I'll go without breakfast and get myself to a McDonald's just for one final super-sized laden tray. (I didn't even mention the drinks, which have got to be damn close to a liter by now. They come in buckets.) The corporation is stating overhead and sales figures as the reason it's dropping the super-sized menu items, and that's fine. A recent documentary by a man who ate nothing but McDonald's for breakfast, lunch and dinner for a period of three weeks or so and gained 20 pounds may or may not have also played a part. Something tells me, though, that it did, along with those people who try to sue the chain for their own weight gain. While such lawsuits haven't gotten far, I'm sure McDonald's fears that one day they'll get an idiotic judge who thinks such a case has merit and allows it to continue. Saying the restaurant is to blame for your weight gain is like saying the car manufacturer is to blame when you total your car by running a red light.

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