THE LAST FIVE ...
Closing up shop
It may be time for a change
Entry in the air
Music of the moment
Or ... BE RANDOM!
Tuesday, Mar. 15, 2005 - 12:30 a.m.
Stagnation, that's what I feel
You know how people talk about symmetry and buttflies flapping their wings in Japan and wind in California and all that shit?
I think there's something to that. Here I am, plugging away at work at 12:30 a.m. (not unusual on our Monday night close) — or, rather, sitting here idly until someone can go through the changes that need to be made to a story I've been working on — after a long and trying afternoon. Work woes have also hit Lauren and Heather lately, too.
I came back from a five-day basketball weekend (you'll notice all those entries with "blog" in the title prior to this one) rather refreshed and actually ready for work again. It was a break I needed. But almost immediately, I was reminded again that I don't like it here. I don't like the stories we do, I don't like what this magazine is about. It's just not my thing. But it pays the bills rather well and it affords me a decent amount of free time, with the exception of Mondays. A couple of job openings I've seen recently seemed perfect for me, and I felt I was pretty well qualified for them, but after my initial application, or interest in a position, was sent off, I've heard nothing from either one.
Now I hope I don't hear from one of them. Upon returning to work today, I went through my e-mails and discovered one from an editor here whose last day turned out to be Friday, because she took a job at a new magazine, to which I had written the editor, whom I know. He hasn't responded, and now I don't want him to. I think I'd rather stay here than go there, where this former editor is; besides, I don't think she'd want me for the kind of job I think I could get there. And then, as I'm eating dinner and reading Sports Illustrated, I come across yet another article written by one of Casey's former grad school classmates. She's getting more writing assignments now, and I can see that this is where her career there really starts to take off.
And so here we are, all of us either frustrated, fed up or anxious about our jobs (or all of the above) and trying to focus on the good things, trying to find that next great opportunity, knowing we can do better for ourselves if given the chance.
Sometimes it's just as hard to convince ourselves as it is to convince others.
Next page: I'm going to have to make up for this one
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