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Thursday, Oct. 16, 2003 - 4:32 p.m.

So much for that idea

I was rooting and hopeful as if I was one of The Faithful.

I was nervous and excited as if it were my own team, the guys I'd grown up rooting for on the ballfield.

And now, I'm jus one of probably a million or so fans disappointed in the 58th straight World Series without the Chicago Cubs.

Granted, I'm not nearly as heartbroken as 90 percent of the fan base, the old women bundled up at Wrigley last night who remember 1945. I'm not as nausiated as the fan many are wrongly blaming for Tuesday's Game 6 loss when, on a foul ball down the left-field line, he -- along with about six other fans around him, it must be said -- deflected the ball away from left fielder Moises Alou. The Cubs held a 3-1 lead at the time, with five more outs to get to send them to the World Series. The Marlins went on to score seven more runs that inning for an 8-3 victory.

The fan who deflected that ball could not go to work yesterday in a city that takes its sports as seriously as any in America. He's a Notre Dame graduate, an Illinois native, a life-long Cubs fan. He's heartbroken. And in yet another case of It's A Small World, he roomed with Nate for a year at school and was a co-host of a radio show with him.

Pennant fever has gripped a large part of the nation, particularly here in the Northeast where the Yankees and Red Sox play Game 7 tonight. Bryan and I started to develop grand plans if the Cubs managed to win the clincher, as so many expected. Game 1 is Saturday night, and even though it will be in the American League city, we were strongly considering a drive from South Bend after the Notre Dame game to Chicago to watch it in a bar with all the fans. As a Red Sox fan, Bryan was contemplating remaining home if they come through.

Now we don't have to worry about the Chicago trip, and I'm a bit relieved. I feel guilty about the Chicago part of the weekend. I'm stoked for a couple of days in South Bend with all my friends and our families, but I feel like I don't deserve to be there as much as Casey or Bill, who've lived there and grew up there, respectively, and miss it more than I do. I love the city and love visiting, but it's a tempered joy when I don't get to share the visit with the right people.

Sunday Bryan's planning to meet some friends for lunch because his flight's at 6 p.m. Mine's at 7 out of O'Hare and he's my ride back to the city. My parents, who fly back around 1, are leaving earlier. I plan to leave with Bryan, but upon arriving in Chicago I think I'll hop the El to O'Hare and try to get on an earlier flight. It would be fun, but it won't be the same. I think I'd rather get home earlier to catch Leanne on her short (business) visit from Boston and have dinner at home, rather than on a Continental jet.

And I'll get to watch Game 2 from my couch.

Unless it's the Marlins and the Yankees.

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