I don't think performers should be allowed to go by one name until they're famous enough for us to know who they are. I mean, when Jewel hit the scene, everyone was like, "Who?" I just saw this singer, Arlette, sing the national anthem on TV before the Nets-Knicks game. According to her site, she's "a fresh, new pop/R&B artist with catchy hooks and great vocals....A new sound for the 21st Century. (italics not mine.) We'll see ...

I saw on "Access Hollywood" this afternoon (my VCR was on Channel 4 after taping "Friends" through "ER" last night; I don't normally watch it) that the current celebrity edition of "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" is a supermodel edition.

So what are THOSE questions like?

Which way do you look if you want to see the sky? a) up, b) left, c) blue, d) Pakistan

What body part sits just below your nose? a) foot, b) inch, c) bust, d) mouth

Personally, I think if it had the kind of viewer following that it did when it first premiered (before it was a regular show), it'd be a perfect show for Mighty Big TV because you can always make fun of the people on that show and their arrogance and showmanship combined with their idiocy and stupidity. When we used to watch it at work, people would always tell me I should be on the show (mainly because I knew that the California was the ship that ignored the distress signals from the Titanic before they even put up the choices). But I wouldn't be that good - I probably wouldn't get past the "Fastest Fingers" questions, which the winner always guesses on anyway (there's no way anyone can list Liz Taylor's ex-husbands in the order in which they married her in under 2 seconds).

But if I did, I wouldn't be spouting random facts not related to the answer just to show the scope of my knowledge.

Nah, I'd be chatting with Regis about Notre Dame.

I know I have more, but I can't come up with it now. Work is kinda requiring my focus. I'll come back to it.

OK, an update, but it's really just for my benefit, so I have this link for future random distance queries. I found this site, which proves useful in determining the distance between two places.

I wanted to find the distance between Honolulu and Tokyo as opposed to Honolulu and New York, since there's a report of a Mets player from Hawaii considering playing in Japan next season. Someone suggested Mapquest, but when I went to the site, it dawned on me that Mapquest is for driving distances, and you can't really drive from New York to Honolulu, OR to Japan. So, for the hell of it, I checked, and Tokyo is 106 miles closer to Honolulu -- 3862 to 4968.

So if Benny Agbayani were to go play in Japan next season, it would put him closer to his family.

HEY! Time for more crazy spam e-mail subject lines!

� Look-and-feel 10-20 years younger. OK, so that would make me look like I'm 15 and feel like a quiet sophomore with a few close friends. Either that, or a 5-year-old whose daily highlights consist of playing with Matchbox cars with Matt and eating peanut butter sandwiches ... which is what I had for dinner tonight ... um ...

� Free Adult Lesbian 3-Somes! Guess the Hot Young Teen version wasn't selling as well.

� Turn anything into DVD 30863. Newspaper, you are now a DVD!

� Do you know someone with urination problems? ... WHO DOES? Is this something people talk about when they get older. I mean, I know people talk about lots of disgusting things, but come ON. There's GOT to be a limit somewhere, and when I get older, that limit will be anything and everything that comes out of the body. Just as it is now.

� PUT MORE WOOD IN YOUR WOODY! People are always saying how hard it is to get discontinued car parts ...

� IS YOUR DICK SMALL? WE CAN ADD 3-5 INCHES! I have not heard any complaints.