THE LAST FIVE ...

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- Wednesday, May 17, 2006

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101 in 1001
American Road Trip, 1998


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Thursday, May 8, 2003 - 4:33 p.m.

You get what you pay for

"A better sex life for half the price," you say?

Half the price of nothing? How can I lose? Hmm ... there has to be a catch.

(.)(.)

OK, this is so cool � I just went to get a Coke from the machine in the kitchen, and it took my money without so much as a whir of attempting to dispense my requested beverage. Well no, that's not the cool part. The cool part is that, in the end, I got my Coke. Let me explain.

This machine is from like 1974, or two years before I was born, but it might not be because I'm simply making that number up. It's one of those machines with the drinks all lined up at an angle, so when you put in the corresponding coordinates (E7 � "YOU SUNK MY BATTLESHIP!"), the door holding the bottles back slides out of the way, your drink tumbles to the bottom of the machine, and the rest slide forward into place. (And why, incidentally, are the glass bottles and carbonated beverages always high up while plastic and aluminum and non-bubbly ones are lower, where they have less chance of breaking and squirting?) Anyway, since this machine is so old, sometimes they get stuck. In the past, you could either tip and pound the thing, hoping to break it free, or ask the receptionist for your money back, and she would be reimbursed by the vendor when he came to restock the machine. (One time, when a drink I didn't care for was stuck, the drink I did want from above fell and knocked the caffine free Diet Pepsi � yes, they still make such brown water � out as well as my juice; it was like two-for-one. Or, at least, what I wanted and a bottle of piss I could give to someone who likes that stuff.) So when it wouldn't give me my Coke today, I went around the wall to inform Jean, and she got up, grabbed a set of keys, walked over to the machine and ... OPENED IT UP! "What was it you wanted?" she asked. I should've told her I put in five bucks and asked for three Cokes and a couple of grape juices. I pointed to E7 and she said, "A lot of people have been having trouble with that one lately."

When I asked how long she'd had the key, she said they just gave it to her recently. "I told him, everyone's always pounding and shaking the machine and that he should either fix it or give me the key. So I have it now."

I'm so excited because this is even better than getting your money back. On days like this, when my drink from home that I had with lunch isn't enough and I just NEED that afternoon fix (I had Sprite with lunch, which may explain my present desire), and there's only one Coke option left (like if the two rows of cans are sold out and only bottles remain, for example), you don't want your stinkin' money back, you want your damn Coke!

And I got it.

Aahhhhhhh ...

( | )

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