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Sunday, July 25, 2004 - 9:26 p.m.

Crap on TV

I've watched maybe two minutes of The Simple Life 2 after the end of Arrested Development and it's so stupidly painful. Paris and Nicole pull up to a Burger King, yet Paris can't get the pickup pulling the trailer to turn a corner -- the trailer's tires are up against a curb -- so Paris says, "Screw it" and leaves the truck there while they walk inside, a line of cars behind it.

They proceed to order $22 worth of food -- like they'd eat all that BK shit -- and only have $10 between them. Paris goes out to the truck to find more money while Nicole starts eating the food at the counter. She comes back with a few coins. Nicole says, "She doesn't know where the rest of the money is. I do." She barely looks, instead shoving her face into a burger she brought with her. Paris orders a salad in addition to the two trays of food on the counter.

Nicole returns with no more money and the manager gets upset that they can't pay. "Can't we just give the rest of this back?" Nicole asks.

"No, you can't. You've opened that," the manager replies, indicating the sandwich in Nicole's hand.

"No I didn't," she protests. "You gave it to me like this."

After the manager insists they have to pay, they walk around the restaurant and approach two young men and beg them for cash.

And people watch this? They flaunt their lack of common sense and their elitist outlook on life and people think this is entertaining television?

There's more entertaining TV over on ESPN. Red Sox 6, Yankees 2, second inning.

Speaking of people of privilege, it looks like Kobe's going to get off because he can spend millions on top-notch lawyers and gifts for his wife while the alleged victim has to get by with the attorneys her family can afford. Same thing happened with Steve McNair. His expensive lawyers found a way to question "sufficient basis" or to find a judge who's a Titans fan and get him off without a conviction.

I find this ridiculous. Who cares what basis the officer had for pulling him over. When he did, he found the driver, in his judgment, impaired. Possibly intoxicated. That turned out to be the case. But apparently, an astute officer who suspected a vehicle that touched the yellow line several times -- "but didn't cross over it" -- is violating the driver's rights rather than being an observant community servant.

In this case, I can't see how one man's rights should come before the general safety and well-being of the general public. Had McNair been allowed to continue driving after the stop, who knows whom he may have hurt, himself included. McNair should thank the officer with tickets to a Titans game and a visit to the locker room. Instead, a damn technicality gets him off.

Some MVP he is.

I don't have John Madden's NFL game for my Xbox, so I don't have to worry about playing with a virtual Steve McNair. But, apparently soon, I'll be able to have sex on my Xbox. I suppose that game will be rated M for "Mature."

Now if they come up with a way to combine, say, Madden NFL with Playboy: The Mansion, it will reflect the true NFL experience.

And I'll be able to start Virtual Maddenuendo.

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