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Wednesday, Jul. 24, 2002 - 11:58 a.m.

Buffalo in Ohio

NOTE: Before you get to Part Seven of God knows how many installments in the account of my trip, let me just say that it is finally one of the most beautiful days of the summer around here. A low came in and cooled things off to a comfortable upper 70s and as I walked across the street to Whole Foods for some yogurt and juice and cheese and apples, it actually felt like a cool New England summer morning. At Whole Foods, after getting my apples and some Annie's mac and cheese, I turn the corner of the aisle to the juice shelves in the back, and they're nearly empty, with store employees frantically piling all the remaining cartons into shopping carts. Then I notice the signs: "Refridgeration out of order." So no yogurt and juice for me. But I did get a block of expensive Irish white cheddar. And now, without further delay (because I can never spell that French word of the phrase), I present to you Part Seven. As always, to start at the beginning, go here.

O -- hio. As entertaining as ever. First there are the bison somewhere east of Sandusky. I see them from a distance and don?t pay much attention at first because I figure they're horses or cows. But it soon becomes clear they aren't because they're bigger than horses (and shaped more like cows) but they're running too fast to be of the hamburger -- er, bovine -- variety. I have just enough time to yell "Buffalo!" and Casey looks quickly (because she?s driving) and squeaks, "Eeeep!" Then we pass the two exits for Sandusky and become confused when we later see two signs for Sandusky County Line. We pass under a road named "Fangboner" and then discuss how it should've been in other towns we pass -- Woodville and Wood County -- and how even borderline suggestive names -- like Stoney Ridge -- now sound dirty.

So now we've got 66 miles of Ohio left (Casey passes mile marker 80 on I-80 doing 80) with the soundtrack to Dude ... My Car? playing after listening to REM, They Might Be Giants, AOL Crackwhore and another Casey mix. In between TMBG and REM, Casey comes to a radio station just as it introduces Springsteen's new one, "The Rising," but we only hear to the first chorus before we start to lose the signal.

We also pass a Professional Maintenance Services truck with the abbreviation PMS on the door. "That company must be a bitch to work for," Casey says.

She makes it most of the way through Ohio before I take over for the final few hours into South Bend. We pull onto campus around 3:30, I think. I don't remember exactly because of the time change; we either got there at 4:30 Eastern time (3:30 Central) or 5:30 Eastern (4:30 Central). Whatever, we park near the new bookstore and begin the tour.

I take her first to the Main Building, where we use the restrooms voted the Best In America on some website a few months ago, and Casey takes two pictures of the ladies' room to prove it. We stroll through the Basilica, then make our way across the quad to LaFortune Student Center (former home of The Observer -- a moment of silence please), and out onto the North Quad with Stonehenge, the war memorial fountain, where two kids and their dogs are wading around. We cross over to the library and the reflecting pool to see Touchdown Jesus (when Jim calls later, he asks Casey, "Did you see Touchdown Jesus?") and then cut through Mod Quad to see Grace and Flanner halls, the towers, the former my dorm for my first two years until they converted it to office space (may Graceland rest in peace). (And this weird Windows 98 on Casey's Mac has just underlined that last sentence in a jagged green, so I guess it disagrees with my writing style. Well, fuck you, Mac. Or Buddy. Or Bill. All I wanna do is have some fun.)

From the towers, it's back to North Quad past the dining hall and I explain how students do not necessarily always use the sidewalks to get where they're going -- if cutting across the grass is more direct, that's where they walk. Not that that is unusual. But the interesting part is that Notre Dame has created sidewalks where the most popular paths were. If the grass had been worn away enough, the university poured concrete over the summer. Several new sidewalks appeared over the three summers of my college career.

We backtrack past Cavanaugh Hall, Dad's first dorm, and the Main Building again to approach the Grotto from the side steps. We sit on a bench for a few minutes and then continue up past Corby Hall and the statue of Father Corby blessing the troops before the Battle of Gettysburg. Beneath the arch for Howard Hall, I explain that the women of Howard chose Ducks for their mascot, despite the fact that it's a lame movie. I point out Morrissey Hall, Dad's second dorm (back in the 60s, when ND was all male, students changed dorms yearly and lived with students in the same year; nowadays, you are guaranteed your dorm for four years, if you so desire). Dad was in his Morrissey room when he heard Kennedy had been shot.

Next to Morrissey is Lyons Hall, Jess's dorm for four years. We then cross South Quad to visit my junior year dorm, O'Neill Hall, one of the ones that opened to house half of the displaced Grace residents when they closed that building as a dorm. We walk into the lobby to see the photo taken on the day of the dedication. It's a large panoramic shot with the O'Neill children seated front-row, center, next to the university president and other notable men of the cloth. I'm standing in the second row, right behind them. Unfortunately, I'm reminded that the O'Neill family is from Texas, and there's a photo in the trophy case next to the pano photo of Joe O'Neill (or whatever his name is) and then-governor George W., wearing a blue O'Neill hat. And next to it is a program from Commencement 2001 (Jess's year) signed by the President, who gave the commencement address. Blah.

The tour finished, we cross back to the bookstore to stroll through, and I buy Jess a book about the women's basketball team's national championship season in 2000-01.

A little weary and hungry, we head over to Kregg and Julie's and Casey actually holds Jack, their 8-month-old son, while Julie feeds Berghoff, their overweight golden retriever. We drink Old Styles until the Yuengling gets cold and order dinner from Famous Dave's barbeque and eat on tray tables while watching TV -- a nice, at-home evening.

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