THE LAST FIVE ...

Closing up shop
- Wednesday, Aug. 02, 2006

It may be time for a change
- Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Entry in the air
- Friday, April 21, 2006

Still here
- Thursday, April 20, 2006

Music of the moment
- Wednesday, March 1, 2006

Or ... BE RANDOM!


GOOD READS

101 in 1001
American Road Trip, 1998


OTHER PEOPLE

Chupatintas
Dancing Brave
Fugging It Up
Kitty Sandwich
Mister Zero
Sideways Rain
Ultratart
Velcrometer


THE BASICS

My crew
Latest
Older
Notes
Our host
Profile

2001-06-01 - 12:04 p.m.

Tips for women

I like the new stats setup that tells me I'm good enough for 60 pageviews on May 28, and 49 on the 29th, but just 24 on May 30 and 12 yesterday. Guess I should update more in order to keep interest up.

���

I have a friend from college getting married at the end of the month. Her wedding invitation reads like a movie poster for some sappy war-torn or obstacle-facing love story:

Two lives, Two hearts
joined together in friendship
united forever in Love

���

Well, this one, unfortunately, is not written by me, but I thought it might be helpful to get it out there as a means of explaining some things in the general interest of promoting better male-female relationships and understanding. I'm not saying I necessarily agree with all of them, but I can see the point to most of them. It's an e-mail forward, so it may be familiar ...


Here are some things for you ladies to work on:

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.

2. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

3. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.

4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!

5. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear. (Really, really listen to this one)

6. Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.

7. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

8. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

9. Shopping is not a sport, and no, we're never going to think of it that way.

10. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

11. You have enough clothes.

12. You have too many shoes.

13. Crying is blackmail.

14. Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one: Subtle hints don't work. Strong hints don't work. Really obvious hints don't work. Just say it!

15. No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on the calendar.

16. Peeing standing up is more difficult. We're bound to miss sometimes.

17. Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

18. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

19. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

20. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

21. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what the hell they're saying anyway...)

22. Check your oil.

23. It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.

24. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.

25. All comments become null and void after 7 days.

26. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

27. Let us ogle. We're going to look anyway; it's genetic.

28. You can either tell us to do something OR tell us how to do something but not both.

29. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

30. ALL men see in only 16 colors. Peach is a fruit, not a color.

31. If it itches, it will be scratched.

32. If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong.

Simple enough, right?

Previous page: I'm a loser, baby
Next page: Don't miss the 250th Entry Celebration

� 1998-2004 DC Products. All rights reserved.

Yeah, sorry I have to be all legal on you here, but unless otherwise indicated, all that you read here is mine, mine, mine. But feel free to quote me or make fun of me or borrow what I write and send it out as an e-mail forward to all your friends, family and coworkers. Just don't say it's yours, you know?