I don't know what everyone's talking about. Really. It wasn't that bad.

I went to the DMV and I was out in about an hour. Only problem was � and here I feel I should be writing an elaborate, hilarious Heather-like entry, but time restricts me � they got me for seven more bucks than I anticipated. Seems that when they send the license renewal form in the mail, the $16 renewal fee is for a picture-less license. You want a picture, you've got to give up two more bucks and an hour at the DMV.

I also had to deal with the incompetence of state government. In July I sent a $58 check to renew my registration, which expires tomorrow, and had not yet received the new card and stickers for the license plates in the mail. So I went in to straighten that out.

It cost me five bucks. Five bucks for a duplicate of a registration I never received. Technically, it's not a duplicate, is it? For all I know, the original was never made. I protested, even threw my license renewal check at the cashier when she told me I had to write another for five bucks (now that I think of it, I should've paid cash), but because I'm "receiving a document from us," it costs money. Bah.

But I was still out of there by 10 a.m., before I had time to get bored reading my magazine or looking at all the people.

After idle time online, I heard a commercial on TV for Rat Race, so I called Will and we went out to the 1:30 show. Since neither of us had sufficient lunch ingredients in our houses, we didn't really eat lunch before going � something I had hoped to do in order to thwart the sure craving for movie theater popcorn. Didn't happen. Will went up to the counter for Milk Duds or something and a Coke, and I was drawn in.

I asked for the child's size popcorn and a medium Coke (the smallest they have, apparently), and joked with Will about the episode of Ed when Warren Cheswick takes Donna Tuzzi to the movies. The woman behind the counter asks me if I want to double my popcorn for a quarter more. I decline, telling her in as automatic a voice as her inquiry, that I'm not hungry enough to eat that much popcorn. (She didn't even put the butter on my child's size; I had to ask for it.)

But here's how it went in Stuckeyville:

Warren: Two medium sodas and two small popcorns, please.

Attendant: This is a small. [Holds up a tiny bag the size of an index card.]

Warren: OK, we'll take to mediums then.

Attendant: For a dollar less, you get the large. [Plops a bucket of popcorn on the counter.]

Warren: Alright, we'll have the large popcorn and two medium sodas.

Attendant: You have to make one of the sodas a large to get the combo.

Warren: OK, like we can't eat that much popcorn and drink that much soda, you understand? For the love of GOD, no one can!

Attendant: You see these two containers right here [pointing to the large popcorn and large soda], these right here represent your best value. If you want to buy 32 of these little guys, go right ahead. I'm just trying to protect you from yourself.

And I fought the man. Or, in my case, woman.

And now it's time for some macaroni before work.