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2001-04-26 - 12:55 a.m.

Four years ago...

I'm depressed.

In one simple thought inspired while writing to Molzo, I came to realize that a) it's been four and a half years since I started my junior year of college, b) that's the last time I was involved in a significant relationship, and c) my memories of that girl are still so vivid I can't believe it's been four years.

See, Colleen was a little, um, intense, I suppose. We dated through the spring semester, and when financial limitations prevented me from flying from New Jersey to southern California to visit her during the summer, she became a little upset. And then I made the mistake (honestly, because I could've handled it a little better) of telling her over the phone one night that I thought we should perhaps just be friends when we got back to school. I was going into my senior year and she was going to be a sophomore. Many of my friends didn't like her, and I didn't want to be torn between the friends I'd had for three years and the one I'd had for three months (well, a little more than that). It wouldn't have been fair to her, and I thought I was doing the right thing.

Well, she still tried to date me, and we did hook up several times throughout my senior year. I was always attracted to her -- still am, in fact -- but I don't want to date her. It was more of a physical attraction -- she's a gorgeous, leggy blond, the kind of girl you don't see with an ordinary, average guy like me. And we did have fun. But I don't see any way it would resume, though I'm sure she'd be all for it.

And another weird thing: I got this spam e-mail that sounded a lot like something she might write.

Hi Gorgeous,
I was thinking about how good the other night was. The way you made me feel...the way you touched me...I just can't take another minute thinking about it. I want to feel you right now. I am so damn horny!!!
Last night was even worse. I couldn't keep my mind off of you so I decided to have a little fun. I took some pictures of me butt naked playing with myself while I was thinking of you. If you want to see what they look like click here baby. Let me know if you like them.
Hurry over,
Alexa

One time (at band camp -- HA!), she actually sent me a picture of her in a towel after she'd gotten out of the shower. So anyway, my point is, I can't believe it's been that long, and that it seems so close. That bothers me.

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